I'm struck by re-reading my pervious post at the new year (whoops, it's been a while since I've written!) and it's quite powerful to re-read those intentions and then to ask myself - how am I doing? So this is going to be an honest account of how I'm measuring up vs that vision.
First - my businesses. Both are steadily going strong and I'm on track to at least have a comparable year to previous "best years" though tough to stay if I'm on track to beat my best year yet. I can say I certainly have opportunity to as I'm drafting some fabulous proposals and having bigger and better conversations than year's prior. So I"m trusting that it's only a matter of time before I beat out my best year and maybe, just maybe FINALLY feel I'm actually getting ahead for once!
Second, my debt - I crave an abundance of "debt removal" and while I'm not sure I'll have that by the end of the year what I do have a is a new bank who managed to cut my debt interest rate IN HALF. So trilled to be on a debt payment plan that's not killing me. So while it's going to be several years - I have a plan and I know the date in the future my start up debt will be GONE and that is liberating.
Third - JOY. Well I think similar to many years in life - this one so far has been a good stead mix of joy and some pain as well. But in looking back I'd have to say far more Joy than Pain which was the goal so that feels in check. And more importantly I have some upcoming things that are right in line with what I wanted - an improv class to get all that laughter going and a Prince dance party - all in the same night if you can believe it. So I'm definitely planning to ramp up my dancing for the summer of 2017 and I'm also flying to FL for a high school girls reunion and I'm counting down the days to poolside drinks and lots and lots of laughs!
Which leads me to the final area of LOVE. This is a tricky one. As much as I have found love, one that is filled with passion, laughter, support, positivity, and compassion - it's also been filled with frustration, resentment and pain. So much so that we're in the midst of saying - do we need to go away before we can attempt to come back to each other? Too many bad patterns from our first go around that feels like we need to recognize what's driving those and each do our own part in working on ourselves before we can come back together and really give Love a go. So I don't think I've yet found my person who's ready to say to me - damn you're worth the wait. Or even if he feels that way - he's not yet ready for me/it/us. So ...despite feeling a bit like the story of my life, I'm embracing the journey, trusting there's something bigger at play and going back to focusing on me and the things that bring me joy, because at the end of the day - that's all we can really try to control anyway.
To anyone out there who's still reading this blog - thank you. Your support over the years has been incredible. I am feeling less drawn to this blog as it represents a lot of pain, a lot of growth and a lot of letting go...so the more I let go the less I feel compelled to write. Yet it's been QUITE a seven year run with a lot of material so I'm not sure I'm quite ready to walk away yet either...
Until next time :)
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