Two of Three, Done.

I knew this would be an emotion filled trip home as there were 3 big events to contend with before 2010 finally comes to a close: 1st Thanksgiving w/o my Mom, 1st Hanukkah w/o my Mom and then the unveiling service of my mom's grave. Ugh, talk about a trifecto. So as I write this entry, 2 of 3 are done--Thanksgiving and the unveiling which we had on Black Friday, another day that has historically always been a tradition for my mom and me. I'm not gonna lie, neither were easy. From the day I landed and walked into the house to complete silence, it was tough. "Home" just isn't the home I remember b/c my mom isn't here. That's really hard for me. Then on Wed I went shopping for all of the food for thanksgiving and that was tough b/c Mom and I always did the prep together that day and usually got Chili's take out while we watched our soap in between prep. This year I was on my own to bake the 2 pies, Pumpkin and Apple (both turned out great I might add).

Then there was Thanksgiving day. I got up early, Mom would be shocked as she always loved to tell the story that I'd say i'd be up early enough to help and learn all the dishes but I always overslept b/c I went out the night before. This year I had to get to bed early so I could rise and get the sweet potato and oyster rockefeller casseroles done on time. Dad prepped the turkey and I put in my annual call to Johanna to check in on her turkey and get any last minute tips and then my Uncle Joe came by with his stuffing and helped us stuff the bird. By Noon we had everything under control, Dad and I were shocked :)

The meal really came together and everything was quite delicious. Thanks to my sister in laws we had a few more side dishes and everyone had plenty to eat. It wasn't the same w/o Mom, it never will be, but I felt I honored her memory by pulling the day together just as she would have. And then over dessert I shared a very special present with my family and my Uncle Joe--a cook book I had made filled with all of my mom's recipes--many that are in her actual writing. It was emotional but something I think everyone loved and most importantly will always have to cherish.

Friday came along and it was hard, very hard. It's amazing that no matter how hard you work on your grief, the process continues. Something will come along and throw you right back into the depths of pain you thought you were able to get away from. Walking up to my mother's grave and seeing her name and the date February 13, 2010 was more than I could bare. It was tough, i just broke down and cried my way through the whole service. Thank god it was quick. But being surrounded by my family and aunts and uncles made it all manageable and I was able to walk away and get through the rest of the day. But it was tough, very tough.

So yes, 2 of 3 are complete and now we all pull together to help keep up the hanukkah tradition. On Friday we'll do dinner here at the house and shower the kids with gifts as mom would've wanted. She will be greatly missed once again but hopefully we can keep her memory going by keeping the traditions strong. I love you Mom.