a sweet goodbye

Some of you may recall that in 2012 I went through a grief training process so that I could co-lead a grief support group. This wonderful organization in Los Angeles, Our House, is run by a clinical in-house staff who among many other things manages a group of volunteers who co-lead the support groups. I was a co-lead for a group of young widows and widowers (age range 25-45) and I just concluded with that group. And WOW, what an incredible experience. I remember starting this work thinking will I be able to handle it in the context of my own grief, given that I was just two years out from having my own mom die. After the training I felt confident that I would be just fine and beyond that, I would feel enriched and fulfilled by being able to help people through those early, raw, painful stages of grief. And that proved to be true - not only did I feel ok I felt truly energized by it all. What an incredibly rewarding and special journey to go on with a small group of people. To watch them open themselves up, reveal their most painful thoughts, be vulnerable yet still be respectful and able to hold the space for the other group members who are grieving in the room. It was truly incredible to see. I met this group of strangers in October of 2012 and just said goodbye to them -- 15 months of hard work on their part and 15 months of gratitude, inspiration and awe on my part. This group was particularly special to me because I also got to hear them talk about love, and see how they lit up when they spoke of their partner. I remember walking out many of evenings saying to myself I'll know I've found what I want when my partner speaks about his love for me the way these men and women spoke about theirs. Truly special.

On the heels of wrapping up my group and saying goodbye to those group members as they go back out into the world and continue to work through this never ending journey of grief, I've made a decision that didn't come easy but one that feels right for me right now. I'm putting my volunteer work with Our House on the shelf for the time being in order to allow myself to focus on growing my business while also being more social and attracting true love. While it feels sad to say goodbye to something that became so meaningful to me it also feels right. My business is really picking up and I'm putting myself out there more and more (just joined a kickball league :)so the ten hours a month that I was putting toward my work at Our House feels better served for me right now in these other areas. So with that decision came a sweet goodbye. A tradition at Our House that you do as your group wraps, each person brings a sweet and it's to remember that this goodbye is different than the one that you brought you to Our House, this one is of your choosing. And so with my fellow co-leads, we had a sweet goodbye for me yesterday where I baked mom's home made pie and brought that in to share with the group. Each person had such lovely and supportive things to say, especially my co-lead Diane who wished me not just success in my business but also the type of love that's worthy of me. So sweet. And so that wraps up what's been an incredible ride. I do believe my time is not done with them forever - I plan to participate in their Run for Hope as well as stay connected. But for now, it's a sweet goodbye of my choosing and one that falls just a week out from the 4 year anniversary of mom's death. And I can't help but reflect on where I am today vs the prior 3 years and it helps me to believe in hope, new beginnings and truly finding happiness again.