the illusion of control

My Coach recently said to me - we are all seeking the feeling of control and it's the moment we feel as though we've achieved is when we're actually disillusioned the most. Why? Because the fact is we can only ever control the very moment we are in right here and right now. We can't fully control what's going to happen in 5 minutes, 5 days, 5 weeks or years. And we certainly can't control or change something that's already occurred in the past so that's definitely not worth the energy of rehashing in your brain.

In thinking about it this way it makes me realize that there's a lot less to worry about. For example - (and I still can't believe I've finally reached this point in my business - crazy) I actually called my Coach in a tizzy about how do you know when you have too much work? When do you know when you need to say no? And in talking things through I realized if I can focus on staying in the now and seeing possibility in everything around me - things will continue to fall into place and that burning notion of when will I have too much work will become very clear to me...when I'm arrive in that moment. It's interesting how right now it feels like something I need to find the answer to, and have clarity on, yet I'm not yet in the place that I'm scenariorizing in my brain. Meaning - while the phone is ringing off the hook and I have lots of proposals out - I don't have the work yet. So don't fret over the things I can't control - whether this work will all fall into place or not. Instead, pursue it all and as each thing shifts from that of possibility to reality (actual clients in my case), I will then have the data points I need to determine my own self imposed question of - when do you know it's too much?

That doesn't mean, however, you can't give yourself some tools - defined by YOU - to help you know when you've arrive in that moment. For me, I know that I don't want my travel days to exceed a certain amount per month - that's too disruptive to the life I want to live. And I know how many hours a day I want to work and how much of that I can dedicate to client sessions without burning myself out. I also know I want to keep my nights and weekends free of work and maintain the flexibility to vacation for as long and as much as I want. And of course I know how much money I need to make each month. So with those guidelines that I define, and can redefine at any point, I can better trust that I'll know in that moment when I need to turn something down or re-align it to better fit with what I want, and what I'm able to do, per my own guidelines.

So net net, while we're never really in control beyond the moment we're in we can certainly provide ourselves the tools to feel we are living a life that's aligned with our own vision, desires, and needs (remembering work fits into life, not the other way around). And in doing so we can let go of the need to feel in control moment to moment and instead trust that when something comes up that challenges your own personal guidelines, you'll know then how to best control it to make you feel you're back in alignment (or in your mind the illusion of being back in control).

What are some guidelines you can set for your life to allow yourself to feel you truly are in the driver seat of your life?