Turning the light on fear.

There's a line from a song that I love because it's so true: "we can't run, we can't cheat because when we meet what we're afraid of, we find out what we're made of." This can apply to so many things. In my life, last month it applied to me tackling one of my biggest fears: open water.

When I was 3 and was at a neighbors swimming pool I fell in without knowing how to swim. I was under a few seconds before my mom jumped in to pull me out. Ever since then I've been very afraid of water and despite having numerous swim lessons to prove to me that I can in fact swim, I still fear water - especially deep water with no borders - very much. So when my friend Sarah invited me to try stand up paddle boarding I was apprehensive but also intrigued. After all I had just listed it on my bucket list (found here). So I agreed. With a less than a 5 minute explanation of how to stand up on your board, paddle, stop, and turn around I was sent into the shallow waters of the Marina here in LA, Marina Del Rey area. I assumed and planned on not leaving the shallow area. So I took my time, learning the feel of the paddles and how to apply what I was just "taught" all while still being on my knees. Sarah helped to push me along and in time I worked my way up to the standing position. My little legs where shaking so bad I thought I was going to fall in just because of that, not because I had any trouble balancing. I was scared to death - and I had just turned a very bright light onto my fear by leaning into it and doing the opposite of what my fear was telling me to do.

I paddled around standing and thought, ok this isn't so bad and the water is shallow here so I'm all good. Well then Sarah explained where the other two girls went, off through the boueys and down along the channel where the boats ride along. I thought there is NO WAY I'm going there - more waves + more chance of falling + deeper water = fear too large to overcome. But when Sarah finally realized how scared I was she dialed it way back and instead said let's just go a little at a time. Follow me and we can turn around at any point. So off we went and before I knew it I was probably a mile out into the marina and was forced to deal with my first "wake" when a boat went by and caused a fair amount of wave and water to move over my board. I stayed steady - remained SUPER focused b/c once again the fear kicked in, but I did it. I persevered. I did not fall, I did not have to face my ultimate fear of being in the deep water, and most of all I was finally able to relax some and truly enjoy the open water, the beautiful sun beaming on me and the view of boats, a marina and a beach - a view that will soon be something I'll have to fly to see again.

I was so mentally and physically exhausted after we were done - I felt like I just climbed a huge mountain - b/c I did. Facing our fears is a scary thing. But you know what - it's not until you turn the light on and look them in the eye do you realize they actually aren't all that scary.

What fear do you need to shine some light on and look right into the eye? I'd love to hear about it!