what happens when it "hits you"

For whatever reason I was driving today and heard a song and started to tear up in my car. By the time I got home I was forced to have a good cry as there was simply no avoiding it. It just hit me - I moved to a brand new city where I virtually know on one. I have no friends to make plans with. I'm pretty alone.

It wasn't a feeling of sadness or regret toward leaving LA - in fact it was the first time I felt connected to how LA used to make me feel a lot, lonely. But even then I had a handful of friends, especially a few special women, who I could call upon and feel better in an instant. And that's what I just don't have here yet...and that's tough.

I knew this wouldn't be a cake walk and of course we'd never do anything if we only focused on the tough parts so I didn't. Then I've had other distractions happening in my life that were filling my cup up to such a degree and I think that softened the blow of landing in a city where I'm not yet connected. And now I'm realizing I'm very much in a transition state, once again, and that brings about all sorts of emotions. All of the excitement and glory around the new journey that was there from day one is still there, but on a day like today those feelings are definitely clouded by the feeling of wanting so many of the same things I longed for in LA and now I'm in a new city and while hopeful I'll find it, it's still on me to find it. And some days that feels really hard. Like today.

So once again I saddle up for the hard part of the journey - if there's one thing my grief taught me all about, it's this. Settle in for the wave of crappy emotions, let them wash over me, and trust they too will pass. And once they do I'll be stronger, with more perspective, and eventually at peace. Until then - practice self love, lean into the emotions, even though you'd rather avoid them like hell, reach out for support, cuddle my dog, and keep telling myself this too shall pass. Oh, and ice cream, lots of ice cream. And as the feelings do pass, focus on what fills up my cup - get out there, explore, do things I love and trust that will bring about even more goodness into my life.

That's the cycle I've come to learn well - so here goes...