While I speak this language to my clients all the time and I intellectually understand it better than most - I'm also continually reminded that we can't and don't really create shifts or change until we actually FEEL the need. I know intellectually that we need to fully love ourselves, and that the key to life is just that - knowing and loving yourself for exactly who you are. Yet we all still get caught up in allowing ourselves feel our worthiness or love or validation based on what others say about us, or choose to do or not do as a result of us.
For me - I was making my 40th birthday this massive milestone...because for me it was - it meant the end of my 30s which were INCREDIBLY difficult. For reasons I both could and could not control but regardless for the large part of my 30s I just didn't have the tools to navigate the journey I was on, so much of it was excruciating and difficult. The good news is I grew A TON. And I now understand the term "growing pains." So in my mind this birthday was THE day for anyone and everyone who mattered to me to rally around me. From my brothers to the rest of my family to any special guys in my life to my best friends. And the reality is - the world doesn't revolve around me, people have their own shit going on and they need to be loving and caring for themselves, and if they are that means they can't always rise to my hopes and desires. I'm the only one who can truly put my needs and wants ahead of anyone else.
So that's exactly what I did on my birthday weekend, and truly each day since. I've led with my own needs, and with what makes me happy. So on the eve of my birthday when I didn't feel like going home after happy hour with a friend I took myself out dancing... because that's what I wanted to do. And I had a blast. Would I have enjoyed having some friends with me? Sure. Did I enjoy myself far more than if I just drove myself home? I sure did! I decided a while ago I wanted to do something bold on my special day - like jump out of a plane. At first I was convinced I needed someone to do it with me and in the end I did it all by myself (along with awesome support and some friends who also jumped but I actually went up in my own plane and jumped with my tandem jumper and no one else). AND IT WAS AMAZING. Then I had a whole evening at the W hotel planned followed by the epic pool party for me and a special guy, and then he wasn't able to get back into town for my birthday. So the old me would have let that ruin my weekend - and for about 24 hours I felt this way. And then I applied everything I learned from going through the Hoffman process and I turned myself around. I thought about the weekend I wanted to have, and I made sure I had it. So off to the W pool party I went on my birthday and I had a BLAST! All by myself. I met super cool people, had so much fun, and didn't pay for one thing the whole time I was there - generous friends I made :)
Net net - I realized that the only person I need to have fun is ME. I'm actually pretty fun, and if I do the things I find fun, I'll have fun. If I focus on what's missing, or who's unable to join me, or what it could be if things were different - well, that's not so fun. This sounds so simple, yet I didn't fully, fully get it until I experienced how amazing I FELT after my birthday weekend, and then I realized I am the one who made that weekend amazing. I invited friends to join me for parts of it and the rest I enjoyed with me, myself and I....and wow did we have fun together!
It may have taken me 40 years to realize that I can create any reality I want and it's on me to do so vs those who love and surround me, and I'm just so incredibly grateful that I now get it. So look out world because I'm ready to keep living large and bringing my whole self into everything I do. And if there's one person I know without a doubt I can count on - it's myself. So here goes.....
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