unpacking to my core

I recently reengaged with a past coach of mine and have been doing some terrific work with her. It's intense at times as it's all about going inward and delayering/shedding everything that I've picked up along the way to ultimately get back in touch with ME, who I am at my core. What lights me up and makes me happy? What do I want - today?

Part of the process has been recognizing what has influenced the person I am today and what pieces of that I want to let go of in order to live the life I'd rather be living. From a very young age a strong work ethic was instilled in me, almost pumped directly into my veins. I grew up with a real understanding of working hard in life in order to achieve. And in my childhood home because I learned that through an entrepreneurial lens, it often meant that work came at the expense of fun, and even family time. If dad wasn't working / getting business then no income was coming in. The reality of working hard to achieve drove everything.

So it was not much to my surprise (though I never really thought about it until very recently with my coach) that has been the tact I've taken in life. I started working a part time job at 13 to save up my own money. I worked incredibly hard at studying and my grades throughout college causing much stress and limiting the amount of fun I allowed myself. I was head down for 14 years in the ad biz and while I can't say I didn't have fun, I definitely didn't indulge in much (travel, vacations, shopping) until I was making enough money to know I could pay for it all myself w/o debt. And now that I'm an entrepreneur myself, I have very much held the frame that I'm in no position to have fun, spend money and embellish until I "achieve" and as in my childhood achievement = income. And income without debt.

I'm here to tell you - when you put that level of pressure on yourself - it's not very FUN.

Though for a long while I didn't mind and even today I still feel happier than I recall feeling in decades - b/c my life is exactly what I made it to be. And I know that there's been a good deal of hibernation on my part as that's what I do when I'm healing and there's been a decent amount of that since losing my mom. But now more than ever I'm feeling myself being pulled toward the energy and I'm seeing that the more I put myself out there the more I'll get back in return. And beyond all that, I'm re-discovering the part of me that has always been fun and loved to have fun - the part I got from my mom: to live, love, laugh, dance, drink, indulge, sing, and just enjoy life like no ones watching.

So with that I'm getting together my fun list and the things that I've wanted to do for a long time but kept telling myself I couldn't either because it cost money or because I hadn't "made it yet" as an entrepreneur or because I felt I need to work harder before I could let up and enjoy. All I can say is look out world -- Jen is coming out to play!

What beliefs are you holding onto from your youth that maybe are holding you back from what you want?