The year started with an incredible meditation experience in Costa Rica where I felt I got back in touch with me and my sense of my body and feelings - that started off the declaration of the theme. I also knew I wanted to feel a range of emotions and be uber in touch with those - like excitement, joy, love, passion, fun, etc. So before I left Costa Rica I went zip lining which for me was an uber adventurous thing to do, especially by myself with no one that I knew with me. I loved every second of stepping straight into fear and conquering it. It felt amazing.
My year continued with a range of emotions that were not so fun to feel like sadness, loneliness, and some darkness. February is always a tough month as it's the anniversary of my mom's death; however last year it was the perfect storm of several things that culminated in me deciding to go away to an intense personal retreat to face the re-occuring patterns and themes in my life that were keeping me from living the life I want. That's what lead me to the Hoffman Institute, a place and process that will forever be known as the thing that changed my life. During this process I got in touch with tons of emotions and felt my way through each one of them learning about my quadrinity - the 4 aspects of self: my intellect, my emotional self, my spirit and my body (which is now tattooed on my arm, another thing I wanted to do when I was 40). I left Hoffman very in tune with my spirit and it guided me toward what I declared for myself - to have a lot more fun back in Austin, to attract some intimacy in my life and to let go of always needing a plan and just live in the present.
Well, four days after that process I'm sitting with Koko at the BBQ stand when a guy asks if he can feed my dog his leftovers. One thing led to another and that man is now forever known as BBQ Brad. Brad entered my world during a time when I was rediscovering who I was and looking to have some fun. He showed up for me in ways I hadn't experienced in a long time and he was the perfect blend of spiritual, sexy, and fun. I learned so much about myself while dating Brad. We both joke and say he's been the perfect post Hoffman boyfriend for me to work through my patterns and tools in real time. A lot of 2016 was dominated by the rollercoaster of emotions BBQ brought out in me - some wonderful, some horrible. In the end we agreed we are better as friends and that's allowed 2016 to wrap up in a peaceful place for me knowing we both found the resolution we needed between us.
The post hoffman Jen lived large and true to her spirit throughout 2016, especially when it came to my 40th birthday. I started the year off incredibly sad that no friends or family were able to come to Austin to celebrate with me. So I decided I was going to show up for myself in a big way and celebrate largely with myself and my dear friends here in Austin. So with that I spent my last evening in my 30s dancing the night away by myself to 80s music at a club, and then woke up on my birthday and jumped out of an airplane. It was the most terrifying and exhilarating experience I've ever had. I was so scared yet so determined and excited to do it. I remembered what the zip lining felt like and how proud I was of myself and this was like 10x that. It was amazing. My birthday weekend taught me a lot - mainly that if we love ourselves and really show up for ourselves in all the ways we want and need (vs expecting others to) life is pretty darn great. I had an awesome 40th birthday - my friends here in Austin made me feel so special, and ever since I've been working on keeping me and my needs at the forefront of all of my decisions.
In sum, I wanted to feel my way through 2016 and that's exactly what I did. A tumultuous year at times and yet another year of incredible growth. It's left me incredibly hopeful and excited for all that 2017 can bring. So for that, I'm very grateful.
No comments:
Post a Comment