it's odd, i'm realizing this time last year, mother's day didn't phase me very much. many people reached out and were anticipating it being an extremely difficult day for me. after all, i lost my mom in Feb and mothers day was the first "holiday" i had to get through w/o her...a day that's tough to "celebrate" when you no longer have a mom. but i got through it fine, i went and did things that i used to enjoy with my mom--like a manicure and then i picked up a bunch of flowers for my balcony to welcome spring and do something my mom always enjoyed--gardening.
this year seems different though. maybe it's the "movement" on facebook that got me more stirred up--everyone posting a pic of their mom and everyone talking about it. even though there are others like me who have posted a pic of a mom they've lost, it still doesn't make it any easier to remember and celebrate my mom when i can't do it with her here. or maybe it's the fact that last year every single day was an utter challenge to get through and so when mother's day came along it was just another day of pain, no more, no less. but this year i've come so far w/ my emotions (which i still can't believe when i step outside myself that i'm doing as well as i am) that i guess it's the "milestone" dates that are still gonna get ya...mother's day being one of them.
i'm thankful though that even when i have a sad day or moment, it doesn't completely throw me backwards like it used to. i've learned to allow myself to feel and be ok with it. sadness and pain are not enjoyable feelings, but they are part of life for sure. so this weekend i'll move through life feeling a bit more sad and then like everything it too shall pass.
so here's to my mom and all the other wonderful moms out there--including my wonderful sister in laws. i love you mom, and miss you terribly, each and every day.
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