He opened the session up by saying two people appeared immediately. The first was a young man -- late 20s/early 30s and he was pacing back and forth behind me which typically is a sign of excitement and means he was probably invited. He asked if I invited him and I said no (not sure who that was). He said it was a Caucasian male who he thinks died not recently but instead years ago. And then he saw someone from my mother's side who seemed very maternal and who was waving with her big smile. The first thing she said as she hugged me with a tear was "I miss you kids" and he knew there were 3 kids and my Dad. And then it just went from there -- she was present for the entire hour and he had one thing after the next that felt so like my mom. It was less about the specifics he shared and more how he described her and her mannerisms. It sounded just like her -- her wit, her eye expressions, her big bright smile, her "lightness" and her laughter.
A lot came up about her final days and how much she wanted us to know that she has her strength back and she looks and feels good. He said she was in her early 50s as she was reflecting on that being such a happy time in her life. She had met up with her father and was able to make peace of their past and his alcoholism. She's currently "with the girls" -- I sense she's found some of her golfing buddies. She also said she sees how quickly my Dad moved on and remarried but she's happy for him because she sees how this woman takes care of him ("babies him" she said) in the way that he so needs. She loves the hummingbirds that live outside my apartment and wants me to know when I see them she sees them too (one nearly flew into my ear last week and scared the life outta me). She's with me outside watching in. And she knows I still need her near so she's here.
It was just completely wild. Many other little details -- all so meaningful -- esp to hear her version of the last few days and how she was ready. She didn't like all the "hoopla" going on in the last 3 days -- she was tired and ready. She said "she felt like she was in a restaurant with tons of food watching everyone else eat and live and she was so full, she was done and wanted to leave." She just wanted to "go take a walk."
Net net, I'm still absorbing it all, it's been a wild ride today. I'm so glad I went -- I 100% believe she was in the room with me passing along these messages. I'm so happy to have this new vision of her and as she asked, I will let go of the image I hold of the her final days. She thanked me (again) for flying home to be by her side and staying there, she recalled our last manicure together before her passing and she had beautiful colored nails today -- but not the toes -- she told Tim she never paints the toes (so true!!). She was full of laughter and love and loved being "with the girls." She thanked me for asking her there -- she said she heard me the last 3 days in the afternoon asking her to come (all true). Wow -- it's just so wild to know they do see and hear. How special is that?!
So with that -- I'm going to leave you all with the beautiful thought of knowing your loved ones are living on and living well and still with you. I couldn't have hoped for any more for my mom and I love that she came through to tell me and show me she's well and she's with me, really me and my brothers and my dad. Tonight I shall sleep well, no more nightmares of missing that final hug. I have a peace I could've never predicted.
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