Want vs Need

While it may have taken me into my mid 30s to realize the difference I'm now more than ever fully appreciating the difference between something you want vs something you need. Especially when it comes to relationships. I think that's why the book Meeting Your Half Orange really resonated with me earlier this year because the author was saying it's not about creating a list of things you want in a significant other, it's about creating a list of how you want to feel. And from that list you can better understand what you need in order to feel that way vs only ever knowing what you think you want to be happy.

The other reason why it's helpful to go through this exercise (with anything, not just dating/love) is it's best to give yourself the clarity of your own answers before you are in a situation where you need to evaluate whether or not you have what you need. For example, when we meet someone new and we're so excited because they have so much of what we want but then as we get to know them we realize they may not be able to give you what you need. If you're not in touch with what that is, you'll likely feel like you're banging your head against the wall trying to make it work -- you'll convince yourself that your 'want' list is the same as your 'need' list until you're clear on both. And as much as we wish it to be so, more times than not what we 'want' alone is just not enough. We all have needs.

So consider something that's important to you in your life or perhaps a crossroads that you might be at. And don't think too much about the details of that situation. Instead, step back and outside of it and just create a list around the things you want and the things you need. What you have learned in your past that's left you feeling I'll never do that again -- whether it be something in your leadership style, a former job, a boss, a friendship going bad, something with your kids -- consider those times as they are learnings. And consider yourself mostly -- what triggers you? What makes you feel good? What lights you up? What do you want to feel over and over again in your said situation? Those are the things you need -- our emotions can inform this -- but it's mostly about quieting the mind so you'll let your inner voice come though. And you'll find the answers. And only then will you be one step closer to getting what you need.