a blessing and a curse

Here I am in Oakland, CA this eve for some work I have in Emeryville tomorrow - a leadership development workshop. Coming off of a week filled with highs and lows I found myself appreciating the opportunity to be out of town and to also to "take in" Oakland as I've never been here. In the spirt of "dating the west/northwest/southwest regions" as it relates to cities I want to live in, I can't help but feel when I consider my journey of where I should go next - it's like my head says to move to SF (or Oakland as that's still considered "affordable") yet my heart says to go to Austin. In any case (more on that later) - each place I go I continue to be eyes wide open as you just never know when "the" sign might appear.

So here I am earlier tonight at a tasty lil spot called Toast, that I read about on College Ave in North Oakland just outside of Berkley, when this older man saddles up next to me at the bar. I'm enjoying my chicken and spanish red wine and texting with my dear friend Sarah when he is quite persistent, but in an eloquent way, to speak to me. So I indulge in conversation. Among many things he continues to tell me that he's one of many talents and that's been a blessing and a curse in his life. And as we continue our discussions about my business and its recent successes and my love life and its recent failures I start thinking about this notion of having blessings that can also be curses. And as I'm thinking to myself, this man proceeds to tell me (and this is the second time this happened to me this weekend yet the first time was from someone who knows me quite well and who's opinion I hold in VERY high regard b/c he's more brilliant than anyone I know) that he sees me as brilliant, yet rare and someone who will only be suited for a select few men. So to trust while the journey may take longer and feel more discouraging, it's bound to have me arrive at someone who is uniquely suited for me and that someone will be equally rare. Hence the blessing AND the curse.

Now I'm sure this sounds like a bunch of BS given that this guy is a total stranger (I hear ya!) but there was something about this wise older man that from the moment he sat down, every question and thought out of his mind made me think that he had had very sharp instincts. So I found myself intrigued and certainly engaged. I couldn't help but think to myself how interesting the universe is placing specific people in our paths at very poignant times. I couldn't help but feel this man took the form of my wise mother who was there to give me the encouragement my bruised ego and pained heart needed at this very time.

This man proceeded to tell me about the two great loves of his life and what made them so special. The detail of which he described these women, how he met them, when he first kissed them and how he ultimately lost them made me realize that the great love and romance I still imagine in my mind IS possible b/c here I was hearing about it in real time. And so back in my Oakland hotel room after having arrived into town feeling a big sad and doubtful that I'm ever going to find someone who can meet me where I am and be all that I am right back at me, to now going to bed with my mind enlightened by two very beautiful love stories and the words of both a dear friend and a total stranger telling me to recognize who I am and to not settle for anything but what I deserve. Thank you universe, you continue to show up for me just when I need you to. xoxo