another step forward

Today was a tough day. I had to come to terms with something that's been very difficult and involves letting go of something I love. And as I've been struggling through it, all I've wanted is a hug from my mom and to hear her voice of reassurance that good things lie ahead. There are just some things that no matter what anyone else says, you need to hear from your mom. So once again, I try to come to terms with all that 2010 has dealt me.

I'm also anxious about taking my first trip back "home" since my mom died. I'm still not quite sure how I'm going to walk into my parent's home and not see her standing there in the kitchen waiting to give me just the biggest hug ever. Or walk up to my bedroom and not see flowers and a little handwritten note telling me how happy she is to have me home. Or open up the refrigerator and not see all of my favorite things because she used to spend days going and picking them all up. God, it's gonna be tough.

But after hearing my brother's voice today and him telling me to hang in, I remember how strong I felt with the presence of my family. And just now getting an email from my niece telling me how excited she is to see me, I remember how kids make everything better in times of sadness. And having each of my wonderful friends tell me how excited they are to see me and how they've stocked up on wine and can't wait to talk into the wee hours of the night, I remember how much I love everyone that is associated with "home."

So goodbye to LA for now, just for a little bit, and hello Philadelphia. I can do this.