Re-entry

When you're so fortunate to put life on pause and go away for a few days to focus on yourself and what you want out of your future it can be sometimes difficult to "re-enter" again. However that wasn't so much the case for me. And that's b/c the days I spent away last weekend on this seminar/life retreat were among the best days I've ever spent. It gave me time to reflect inside of myself and help others do the same while looking off into the horizon and allowing myself to not just dream but also plan what my future may hold. And it seemed so appropriate that I got to do this on the 2-year anniversary of having arrived in LA (Sept 9th).

I knew when I arrived in LA two years ago I was seeking something bigger for myself...something I wasn't quite sure what it was but I knew i was feeling unfulfilled by more than just being single. After all, the life i left behind in Phila was pretty great--my whole family was there, my mom/best friend, my closest and dearest friends from growing up and all the friends i became close with through work, etc. and let's not forget my condo, oh how I loved that condo. And I even loved where I worked. But for some reason I was no longer feeling fulfilled by it.

So I uprooted myself, came to a place that felt like a good place to start again. But as we all know, about 4 months into that journey, before I really had any time to adjust let along figure out what my new calling may be, I lost my mom, out of no where. So instead of spending two years gaining momentum and discovering what i wanted to do with my life, I spent a lot of it grieving and learning how to process a very new sense of normal, a life w/o my mom, something i was not prepared to face for decades to come.

And I suppose that's something I could choose to be angry about, and i'd be lying if i said at times i haven't been, but overall, i think i realized something during this time away last weekend--I'm not sure I would've gotten to where i am today if all that didn't happen to me. who knows, maybe i would, but i guess all that matters now is that i have. And where it is that i feel i am today? Today i'm realizing that i want my life to be much more than just career, title and salary, i want to feel a sense of purpose, of true genuine reward. I used to set so many goals for myself to be 'this' title making 'this' much money by a certain age and for the most part i've met or exceed all those goals. they defined me in many ways. but i think that's what hit me back in 2009, having done all that still wasn't leaving me feeling fulfilled. i needed more. but at the time i didn't know what 'more' was. and now i do...

I feel a strong desire and sense of purpose around wanting to help others define and shape their goals. or help them see all the opportunity within their own lives. sometimes we just can't get out of our own way and we need someone to help us along, shine a flashlight toward the next path. and there's nothing that makes me happier than thinking of being able to shine that flashlight for people, lots of people! and if in the end, down the road, that's something i too can make a living at, well than that's a huge bonus. but for now, as i was recently told by someone who's already doing this, it's about baby steps.

So with that, i approach re-entry back into my life today with abundance. i feel energized and uplifted by what could lie ahead. and i will now wake up each day feeling a greater sense of purpose knowing that i'm working toward a grander goal in life...one that that will make a true impact. one that i'll be remembered by. one that i know my mom will be so proud of. and most of all, one that i'll feel incredible pride and joy over. As someone i love and respect used to say when it was time to kick some ass, Let's Ride.