Page One.

Today I crack open a new notebook and lots of new books that signify the beginning of my next chapter. It's a bit overwhelming but mostly just exciting. And as I opened up book one I realized I'd love a highlighter to capture some notes with, so I go tearing through my apartment thinking I must have one somewhere. I open a box where i keep stationary etc and what's on top but a few cards from my mom. I open one up and music starts playing, the song "taking care of business" and it was a card she sent me when I got my job or promotion at Red Tettemer. She was so proud and of course she wrote "you go girl." I read a few others until I started to cry...it's so hard, in ways it's tears of joy that I have these sentiments from her but in other ways I'm just so sad that she's not here to see all that I have left to live and do with myself. One note said how she's just so proud that I've grown into a confident, thoughtful take-charge young woman and then she wrote "i'll always be here for you, well not always but that's a long way off. Age is just a number and I can still shake a leg with the best of em" Isn't that true! And that was after her 60th birthday, just 7 years ago. That was tough to read b/c I know neither of us thought that we'd ever be at that place now.

So while she's not "here for me" in the way that she intended in that card, I have that card, and I have to keep reminding myself that she is here, in some way some how. And I have no idea what led me to that box for my highlighter, but it was nice to get a reminder of all the cards my mom sent me cheering me on, telling me you go girl and how proud of me she is. So I'm going to take that for now, pick my books back up and get to it. Because I know she'd be SO proud of the step I'm taking now and that motivates me that much more to kick a**.