what's bubbling up to the surface (as i prepare for a move)

As you know I'm gearing up to move out the apartment I moved into upon arrival in LA -- so there are a lot of memories in this apartment. Including my mom's only visit to see me in my new life. But like many things, good things come to an end and it's time to start a new chapter in a new place. A place that will become my home -- for me and my soon to be dog! So why is it that every place I look at I can't seem to get excited about? Is it my resistance to moving? Is it my lack of vision for how it could become my home? Is it my attachment to my stuff and in downsizing some of it I will have to get ride of. Truth be told it's probably all of those things. And then I step back and I look around my current place and I think to myself -- well it's only stuff. Sure, there are things I don't want to part with, things that are particularly special -- like the pieces my brother hand crafted for me or the sofa my mom bought me or the yellow chair from my grandfather's furniture store. But the reality is, it's all just stuff. And it's not only the stuff that makes a home, it's also the energy I fill it with, the dog that will live there w/ me, the neighborhood I come home to and ultimately the memories that will be made there. And as much as I have a lot of attachment to my current apartment, when I think about it, my memories here have largely been filled with a shit ton of pain, tears and truly tough times. Perhaps the attachment then stems from it was my "safe haven" for so long, after all I battled myself back from some pretty dark places in this apartment. And now I've launched my business here as well -- my DBA is registered to this address, my first home office is here, and i'm truly in love with my neighborhood. So as I'm writing I'm reminding myself that I'm not just leaving an apartment, I truly am leaving a chapter behind. In a way I'm leaving behind all my prior accomplishments and starting over (in what will be a much smaller place!). And that's tough too b/c I worked really hard to have the lifestyle I've worked up to. But the realty is, I've never been happier than I feel right now -- I feel so incredibly content and there is no one person or thing driving that happiness, it's happiness I've truly found within myself and the new life I've created for myself. So I have to believe I'm going to be happy living anywhere. But the plan is that it will allow me to have the dog of my dreams, be not too far from the water and have a space I can make my own. So stay tuned, I'm on the hunt!