drank the kool-aid

As you may have read in an earlier blogpost about taking a page out of someone else's book I've put myself on the half-organe program. And today I finished the book and through to the last page I fully drank the kool-aid as we liked to say in advertising. And while there are many strategies I plan to engage including building out my vision board for how I want to feel in a relationship, make my list for how I want to feel (that's already done) and continuing to surround myself with people, things and activities that make me happy (started that last year), I also decided to follow another one of the author's suggestions.

It's sort of two-fold, part one in keeping with her overall theme to the book is that you are not responsible for FINDING your half orange, you just need to take on the spirit, optimism, belief and vision for what it will be like when you meet him and have a relationships with him (or her). So along that line of thinking, the author also talks about not doing anything that doesn't bring up good, positive, happy vibes for you. And for I don't know how long, my time spent scouring through online dating profiles has been just an awful experience for me. And while the numerous dates have certainly helped me confirm what I DON'T want (and in some cases what I do), it's a process that I'm more than happy to give myself the permission to let go.

So after what's been longer than I'd like to admit on eHarmony (thanks for my former work connection there) and another short stint on jDate - today I closed both accounts, even before they were expired. And I can't even put into works how freeing it feels. Aaaaaaahaaaaaaaa, exhale, what a great weight lifted off my shoulders. Not only is it not my job to seek out my half-orange but it's now no longer my job to pretend like I'm enjoying this process of online dating and in doing so, fooling myself that I'm "making an effort" so all should pan out the way that it should. No, that's my old way of thinking (per my last post) and that leads to banging my head against the wall feeling, so I'm changing it up (another strategy from the book). I'm working on staying in my "orange buzz" as Amy puts it and am genuinely trusting that he will find his way to me when we are meant to intersect. And I can't help but have such a strong feeling that he's right around the corner but even if he's not, I'm only 1 month into a 12 month declaration of him arriving inside of 2013, so we'll see, time will tell....