finding balance between self protection and vulnerability

This is precisely what I'm learning about right now in my life. Having recently reengaged in therapy (specifically a male therapist) to help me see through my journey of finding love he introduced this notion to me. That while it's admirable to go from too much self protection all the way to being vulnerable and open, what's the right balance? Can your own protection or your own vulnerability be the thing that gets in your way? Or said another way keep you from achieving what you want? I'm learning that yes, yes it can. Especially when it comes to love.

So how do you find the right balance? Well perhaps this post is a bit premature because I'm not sure I yet know the answer but I'm learning it lies somewhere within setting boundaries - for yourself. I definitely became better about setting personal boundaries with my time and the people I chose to interact with after my mom died. My grief forced me to take care of myself and if I needed to cancel plans or stop engaging with someone for a little while because they weren't making me feel good I did just that. My life was so utterly chaotic at the time and I was trying to sift through SO much that I think my boundary setting became a default mode - I just knew what to do and when I needed to do it. It was like survival.

But since then I'm not sure it's a habit I've maintained (or perhaps ever established) when it comes to love. I'm realizing that in growing up with a mother who showered me with such an abundance of love and me learning what unconditional love feels like I sometimes love like that. Not like a mother, that's not what I mean, but instead in a way that has no conditions, or said another way NO BOUNDARIES. And that's where I'm realizing I'm not striking the right balance between self protection and vulnerability.

So there in lies my work. That even when you think it, feel it and want it, sometimes you have to be strategic. Not play games, it's not about that, it's about looking out for you. Because sadly no one else is so if you don't do it no one will. So how can you be intentional for yourself and someone else at the same time? How do you communicate how you feel but not let that excuse all actions that follow? How can you act with some restraint and keep pace with the other person so you're staying on point for both yourself and them...so you're giving that connection the best possible opportunity to breathe because you know when to inhale, pause, exhale and step away?

All great questions - and not ones that I bring answers to today - so here's to the journey of continuous learning and personal development. Here's to setting personal boundaries. Here's to finding that balance. Here's to learning about creating sustainable love.